It is after midnight and I am about to hit the hay. Only five short weeks left until the end of my undergraduate college career - I HOPE!!! So far, I am keeping my head above water but I fear that any little thing might throw everything off course and I will be a FAILURE!!!
Really, failure is not an option. I want to be done - finished - so I can move on to the next phase of my life. This new phase will be punctuated by lots of smiles, good health, and very little drama and trauma - at least until the girls hit the teen years.
I have disabled my Facebook account and find that I miss my FB cyberhood friends. However, NOT looking at FB multiple times a day has absolutely helped me stay focused on my school work.
There HAS been something on my mind lately ... I realized that I have "settled" every day since December 4, 1995. For those of you who don't know why that date is significant for me, it is the date my fiancee left me, three weeks before our wedding. He left me for another woman, his mother. Before that awful day our relationship was truly magical and I really felt I had met my mate for life. We used to say to each other that if anything ever happened we would be settling if we ended up with anyone else but each other. Way to set ourselves up for disappointment which is EXACTLY what I have been doing for almost 15 years now. Well, NO LONGER!!! Joyfully I have learned that I do not need a man by my side to be happy. My happiness comes from the inside out and all a partner is going to do for me now is make my life BETTER - that is, if I ever find someone who is awesome enough to actually ADD to my life instead of take from it.
In the meantime, I have my amazing and beautiful daughters, incredible parents, an awesome sister and a BFF that is out of this world!!! Whatever MAN (and make no mistake, he will be a MAN, not a boy or a guy - a MAN) finds me and convinces me to take the plunge with him will truly be one in a billion. He will also get down on bended knee and present me with a stunning ring. Needless to say, I am NOT holding my breath. Whether God sends me a partner or not I am happy - from the inside out - and for that I am very thankful and more determined than ever to never, Never, NEVER settle for less than that BEST ever again!
Now, that I have that little thing off my chest I am off to finish this homework and get some sleep. I believe there are some little girls who would like some cuddle bunnies with their Mama.
Kate, here is an article by Baron Batch that is so inspiring. I'd want to share it with you.
ReplyDeletehttp://lubbockonline.com/sports-red-raiders-football/2011-03-31/batch-life-sometimes-works-out-strange-ways?v=1301531813
You will make it through school. If you fall down get back up and fight again. Keep fighting for what you want no matter how long it takes. You are only a failure when you quit. Hold your head high and keep that beautiful smile showing. Hugs to you.